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Here's a character concept I had that I'm offering up here – so maybe you can help yourself be annoying too.

So, barbarian wizard. Not typically considered a good multiclass option,if I'm not mistaken. But, O my brothers, we are not talking about a barbarian/wizard. We are talking about a straight-classed barbarian, whack-things-with-a-murder-deliverey-stick kind of character, who labors (violently, of course) under the impression that he is somehow, despite all appearances to the contrary and the accurate impressions of everyone he meets, a wizard.

 

So, here are my ideas so far. If anyone has any additions or improvements I'd love to hear them.

 

Sword Spell – To cast his mighty Sword spell, he needs only a verbal component (screaming), a material focus ("this sword-shaped totem metal wand" which is, of course, a sword and the somatic gesture of swinging the sword into people. (I suppose this works with any weapon, as long as it is sufficiently brutal and not normally used by spellcasters.) This spell can be  Empowered with metamagic. That is, he can use Power Attack.

Arcane Fury – Verbal component: "Arcane Furyyyyyyy!" Somatic gesture: Throwing back  head, outstretching arms horizontally, clawing hands upward. In every way it is equivalent to a Barbarian's Rage, because, yes, you guessed it, that's what it is.

Eldritch Attentiveness – Verbal component- he whispers the phrase "Eldritch Attentiveness!" quietly and confidently to himself before making a perception-based check (i.e., Spot, Listen or Search.)

Mage Armor – He Permancied this one. Because it's just armor.

Which brings me to another point, which is that he will sometimes claim to know actual spells, and "cast" them if he can do the action mundanely, e.g., "Disguise Self!" (puts on a hat.)

Note that this barbarian is specifically a "wizard," not a sorcerer. Mainly because I like the idea of him sitting there doing nothing for hours to "prepare my spells," so he can't help his adventuring buddies out with any tedious mundane tasks like gathering firewood, hunting or

taking watch. Oh, and he has a spellbook, despite not spending the skill points to become literate. It consists entirely of drawings of what he imagines ancient magical runes would like. Plus naked ladies and monsters and stuff.

Thoughts?

 

Korg the Magical

Half-Orc Barbarian "Wizard"

Familiar: Xerxes the Somewhat Terrified Stray Cat

I think I'm going to dump all of Korg's mental stats.  Especially Intelligence- Korg absolutely must have an INT penalty. Although a touch of Charisma might make sense, because I don't know about you but I can't help but love Korg. And I think having him be a Half-Orc Barbarian wielding a greatsword is just too blatantly unwizardly to pass up.

 

Korg's Spellbook

Read Magic: Sits and looks at things believing to understand them.

Magic Stone: Picks up stones from the ground.

Summon Horse: Finds a horse.

Lesser Flight: Jumps.

Mage Hand: Picks up anything. Ever.

Detect North: Happening to know which way North is.

Longstrider: Casts it on himself every morning.

Detect Poison: By consuming it.

Charm Person: Flex oily barbarian muscles.

Shrink Item: Takes item. Folds it in half or squish it in hands.

Blindness: Gouges out eyes of subject.

Magic Circle Against Evil: Draws circle in ground, punches everything evil that crosses it.

Summon Storm: Performs a ritual. The next time it rains, he explains that the spell can take weeks to work.

True Seeing: Sort of squints. Claims loudly that anything he couldn't detect must "have mighty power of illusion!"

Bull's Strength: Flexes his muscles.

Bear's Endurance: Takes off his shirt and flexes his muscles.

Stoneskin: Barbarian's DR.

Protection from Arrows: As above, but pretends arrows don't hurt.

Wish: Tells opponent that he will grant him a single wish. When he

answers, punches him in the face and tells him his wish sucks.

Locate Object: Arbitrarily picks a direction. When proven wrong, it must have moved.

Knock: Slams body into door. May require material focus: battering ram.

Sending: Makes something up.

Teleport Object: Throws it, and it's gone.

Color Spray: Throws multi-colored sand in opponent's face.

Silent Image: Crudely draws carboard cutout.

Minor Image: As Silent Image, but stands to the side poorly attempting ventriolquism.

Stinking Cloud: Farts prodigiously.

Disintegrate: Hits things until broken into a bajillion pieces.

Unseen Servant: Forces other party members' to carry gear. (This one

works especially well with a 20 Strength Half-Orc, which is what I

intend to make Korg.)

Rope Trick: Throws rope with grappling hook into nearby tree. Sleeps in tree.

Summon Monster I: Picks up one of the creatures attacking him and throws it at another.

Suggestion: Makes an Intimidate check.

Reduce Person: Messy.

Enlarge Person: Also messy.